I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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