You can't motorboat a personality
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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