You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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