While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
