toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
