My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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