What did we do last night that was yellow?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
