he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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