i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
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