Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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