I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
