And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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