I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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