Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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