I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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