loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
