Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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