I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
