i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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