You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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