we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
