I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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