Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
