I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
