You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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