its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
