Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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