I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
