eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You should frame my arrest warrant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
