he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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