My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
