she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
