Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
