So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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