Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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