have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
