We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
