Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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