Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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