what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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