I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
