Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You made out with two different species that night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
