Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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