if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
