if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
