My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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