Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
