how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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