I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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