In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
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You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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