We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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