His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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