What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
