I look better un-naked...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
