I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
