the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat