I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.