Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.