from now on my penis is your penis
Duck Duck Cougar?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.