just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I just shit out all my problems.