I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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