Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you never un-have a 4some
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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