There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
