i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
