he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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