It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize