Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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