Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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