pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
