i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
