I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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