Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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