Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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