So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
