Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
