WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
