Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
