The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My cat gives me a boner
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
