Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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