"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize