Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
