4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
