dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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