She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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