I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND