Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here