he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.