i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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